So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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