In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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