I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
