You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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