I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
