Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize