You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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