I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
