He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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