Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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