it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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