i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
