saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize