Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
