i barfeds in our rink
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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