They should really pass out barf bags in church
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
