The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
