I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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