I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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