eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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