well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
