I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
