I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
