i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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