hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize