you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
