I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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