"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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