so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Pants are for mortals
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
