it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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