Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
