I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
