I hate your face
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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