I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize