I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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