even my farts smell like vagina
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
