She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
