i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
