dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
