I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize