don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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