I want to make a zoo with you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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