can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize