A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
