Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
