Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
