I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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