Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
