I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We had sex on a dog bed..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
