dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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