Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
