When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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