I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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