She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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