this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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