everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize