Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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