everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
