I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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