that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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