im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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