Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
