i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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