We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
do nipples grow back?
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