he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
