just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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