I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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