She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You ate ashes out of my bong
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
